Skyrim shenanigans and Game of Thrones geekery, plus interviews with some really cool people

Posted on February 26, 2014 by J.L. Hilton

It’s been a few months since my last update, and in that time I’ve attended the Geek Gala, taken my family to Disney World, suffered a long spell of bronchitis, and dealt with Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and Valentine’s Day.

Necklace inspired by the GAME OF THRONES clockwork intro (click to enlarge)

I am still working on the third book in the Stellarnet Series, tentative title Stellarnet Mother, but haven’t had much time to write. Or, to be accurate, haven’t made much time to write, because I have a day job and writing in addition to that would mean shutting out my family and friends, giving up jewelry, not seeing any movies or TV shows, not doing any volunteer work, not going to any cool stuff like a Tim Burton burlesque show, not playing Skyrim (essential as breathing) and not sleeping. Basically, the way I spent 2012, the year I wrote and edited Stellarnet Prince. It took a toll on my mental and physical health, and I’m not going to do that again.

In manageable, bite-sized increments, I’ve done a little writing for CharlotteGeeks.com, wherein I interviewed Jeremy Whitley about his new My Little Pony comic and sexism in SF/F, Richard Dansky about video game writing and his favorite monsters, and William Harms about his new Shotgun Wedding comic and the best weapons for zombie defense.

I’ve indulged in some fandom, making a Stark direwolf sigil, drawn by hand and acid-etched, polished and hammered on my little jeweler’s anvil. I also made a necklace (above) inspired by the Game of Thrones TV intro, something I’ve been wanting to do since I saw the first episode and the clockwork map.

I bought a new gaming PC so I could play all of The Elder Scrolls games. For fun, I performed a little digital magic and made fan art of Teldryn Sero, the “best swordsman in all Morrowind… for the right price.” Then I made some Honningbrew Mead jewelry inspired by the doomed brewery in Whiterun.

I have an unholy obsession with dark elves…

What’ve you been up to?

~ J.L. Hilton

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A writer’s — and jewelry maker’s — desk

Posted on February 21, 2014 by J.L. Hilton

My kids were looking at my desk and my 13yo said, “I suppose this is what you consider organized?”

“Yes. I know exactly where everything is,” I replied. I turned my back to the desk and closed my eyes. “Go ahead, name any object.”

She and her 9-year-old sister named several things. I could place them all. “The small anvil is on the pot-holder on the right side of the desk, next to the lamp… That necklace is hanging in the middle of the corkboard…”

They would have gone on playing the “game” all day, I think. I just wish I knew how I could remember all of that, and yet not know where I took off my shoes or left my keys!

~ J.L. Hilton

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Happy Valentine’s Day from Duin, J’ni and Belloc

Posted on February 14, 2014 by J.L. Hilton

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JUNK HEAD 1: Into the dystopian rabbit hole

Posted on January 26, 2014 by J.L. Hilton


Takahide Hori spent four years making the stop-action 30-minute movie Junk Head 1 in his spare time. In his futuristic take on Alice in Wonderland, we follow an unnamed protagonist down, down, down, into the bowels of a futuristic hellscape of nightmares and dark humor where Earth has become a dytopian industrial labyrinth inhabited by cyborgs (the humans above) and clones (the monsters below).

The story is fascinating, disturbing, entertaining and visually stunning. Takahide Hori delivers a quality mix of Harryhausen, Tim Burton, and a Tool music video. And, remember, he did it alone. In his spare time.

Now he’s looking to raise $100,000 on Indiegogo so he can quit his white-collar job and devote himself full-time to creating Junk Head 2. Can you spare $5 to make a SF brother’s dream come true? And benefit all of us in the process? I’d love to see a sequel.

The Escapist reports that if he doesn’t raise the funds, he’ll quit making movies because it’s too stressful to try and work a full-time job and animate on the side. I totally get that. I can’t afford to write full-time, and trying to squeeze a major project – Stellarnet Prince – into my “spare time” just about killed me in 2012. Which is why it’s taking me so long to finish the next book in the series.

I think it would be a crying shame if the incredibly talented Takahide Hori didn’t continue storytelling. This video is wonderful.

Check out Junk Head 1 in its entirety, with English subtitles.

WARNING: Dark, graphic and violent, possibly NSFW. Review before showing to your children.

 

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To boldly smooch where we haven’t smooched before

Posted on December 8, 2013 by J.L. Hilton

This post originally appeared December 1, 2013, on the Contact – Infinite Futures SF blog.

We recently passed the 45th anniversary of the first scripted interracial kiss between a white man and a black woman on American television in the Star Trek episode “Plato’s Stepchildren.” The episode aired to U.S. audiences on November 22, 1968.

The kiss between Uhura and Kirk wasn’t the first interracial kiss to ever appear on TV. The British soap opera Emergency – Ward 10 aired the first TV kiss between black and white actors in 1964. On The Wild Wild West, James T. West (Robert Conrad) and Princess Ching Ling (Pilar Seurat), kissed on the episode “The Night the Dragon Screamed,” aired in January 1966. Star Trek actually did its first interracial kiss earlier, in the episode “Space Seed,” aired February 16, 1967, when Madlyn Rhue (Lieutenant Marla McGivers), a white woman, kissed Ricardo Montalban (Khan Noonien Singh), of Hispanic heritage. (Source: Wikipedia)

J-E-A-L-O-U-S-Y is the only negative feeling I have about this black actor kissing a white actress.

The Uhura/Kirk kiss is the one everyone remembers because it occurred during the Civil Rights Movement, in the wake of Loving v. Virginia, a landmark civil rights decision of the U.S. Supreme Court that invalidated laws prohibiting interracial marriage.

As science fiction so often does, Star Trek challenged the United States to boldly go in a new direction. Forty-five years later, it seems like SF/SFR fans have a harder time with the idea of human/alien romance than with the idea of human/human romance of any color.

There’s been a lot of discussion the past couple years about the difficulty readers have relating to alien lovers. Vampires, angels, werewolves and ghosts, no problem, but heck no lizard skin or tentacles.

Are readers ready for more interspecies SF romance?

Personally, I would much rather go on a date with Ambassador G’kar or Gul Dukat than Tom Hiddleston or Matt Damon. As I’ve said before, I think it goes back to my favorite fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast. When you look like a beast, you must earn love with your personality – bravery, wit, charisma, humor, actions – and not just your appearance. When someone has a monstrous or alien visage, we are forced to see his true self without the distraction of superficial attractiveness. When someone is bold, suave, noble, eloquent, shy or lonely, it makes his personality and emotion even more vivid in stark contrast to the inhuman appearance.

~ J.L. Hilton

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It’s all a bit silly… and that’s OK

Posted on November 10, 2013 by J.L. Hilton

This post originally appeared November 3, 2013, on the Contact – Infinite Futures SF blog.

Every single person reading this has a ridiculous skeleton somewhere in their closet. Whether it’s a complete collection of Batman Forever trading cards lovingly stored in plastic sleeves, an 8th-grade notebook of sincere but awful poetry that should be burned, or files of fanfic about you and Data. And Jayne Cobb. And Batman. All at the same time.

Truth is, life is silly. Honesty is embarrassing. Feelings are awkward. Sex is goofy. Optimism is childish. Dreams are mad. Passion is embarrassing. Fandom is geeky.

And also utterly wonderful.

I love science fiction, even when it isn’t sophisticated. Especially when it isn’t sophisticated. The toilet plunger arm on Daleks. The green body paint on Star Trek alien chicks. The cinnamon buns on the sides of Princess Leia’s head. The entire first season of Babylon 5.

I love fantasy and fairy tales. Talking animals. Pointed ears. Kissing a dead girl to bring her back to life. Half-sized people with hairy feet.

I love steampunk. It doesn’t have to be historically or even mechanically accurate. Decorative gears that don’t actually do anything. Goggles that are nothing more than hatbands. Corsets as outerwear. Nerf guns covered with metallic paint.

I love romance. Throbbing love hammers. Cherry-tipped nips. Damp nethers. Straight men who spend weeks worrying about what a woman is thinking.

Whether a creator or just a fan, you can’t take this stuff 100% seriously. Deep down, we know the absurdity of it all, then love it anyway. Because this is who we are. We are goofballs. Hairless apes full of nonsense and monkeyshines. And anyone who says otherwise is probably a hypocrite in possession of a giant collection of adorable but useless porcelain statues, or memorabilia from a pastime that involves grown men chasing after a bit of stuffed animal skin like it’s the Holy Grail.

Myself, I’m a fan of Highland romance. Big men with kilts and bad accents. “I dinna ken ye looved me, lass.” Aye, ah doo. Can’t get enough.

I’m also madly in love with Skyrim and its characters, enough to write tongue-in-cheek fan fiction, even though it’s a video game and having feelings for pixels is mental.

And I’m a huge fan of the movie Hawk the Slayer (1980), low budget, disco soundtrack, Silly String special effects and all. It’s available on Netflix, last time I checked. Go watch it and laugh with me. My laughter isn’t derisive, just honest.

What ludicrous books, movies, games and things do you love? Dare to share?

~ J.L. Hilton

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Heroes and hagravens at Escapist Expo 2013

Posted on October 25, 2013 by J.L. Hilton

Escapist Expo is a 3-day convention in Durham, NC, where The Escapist magazine highlights video games, tabletop games, card games, science fiction, fantasy, comics and music. This year’s event happened over the weekend of October 4-6 and I’m finally getting around to writing about it!

LOTR: Awesome crossplay. These are both women! Escapist Expo 2013. Photo courtesy of my minion Lilith.

Last year, I shared a table with Bull Spec, a regional fiction magazine, promoting my Stellarnet Series along with many other local authors. This year I had my own table and peddled my handmade jewelry beside my post-cyberpunk fiction and the non-fiction steampunk art books in which my design work is featured.

I wish I could tell you about all of the exciting and amazing things that happened at the expo — Totalbiscuit, Yahtzee Croshaw, live-action zombie Nerf games, cosplay contest, Geek Trivia, MTG tourney, Cards Against Humanity, D20 Girls, panels — but I suffered a screwed up shoulder and spent most of my time behind my table, when I wasn’t resting and loading up on ibuprofen. Many thanks to my minions and the sweet expo volunteer who helped me lug my junk to the ballroom.

The expo crowd was a good one, though. Young and young-at-heart, upbeat, savvy and entertaining. I enjoyed meeting the folks who stopped by to peruse my shiny trinkets and I gorged on a visual feast of cool costumes.

For part of the weekend, I also hosted an old Underwood manual typewriter, courtesy of Bull Spec, upon which participants were encouraged to experience the origins of the “shift” key or figure out how to type an exclamation point. “How do you go to the next line?” was asked several times. “I thought the @ symbol was invented for the Internet,” someone said. It’s kind of creepy living long enough to witness an entire generation of grown adults who’ve never even touched an item I grew up with.

More goodies from the Escapist Expo:

SKYRIM: Hagraven, Briarheart, Giant and bandits. Photo by Heather Barefoot (c) The Escapist

Official photos from the Escapist Expo

Official videos from the Escapist Expo

Pics of the crossplay dwarves on Facebook

Geek jewelry from Taramorphic

Author and video game writer Richard Dansky

Fantasy illustrator Cynthia Sheppard

Rumble and Roar Wandmakers

~ J.L. Hilton

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Dear romance authors

Posted on October 22, 2013 by J.L. Hilton

I enjoy a good romance novel. I’m especially fond of anything in a kilt. Yes, Highland Romance is a cheesy genre, peppered with “dinnas” and “aye, lassies.” It typically pairs a sassy heroine who doesn’t fit the time period with a Muscles MacCoolguy hero who’s strong enough to survive death, disease, mortal wounds, time travel and an invading army, yet romantic and sensitive enough to make love like an enchanted elven gigolo on Viagra. And I enjoy every bit of it.

Tropes are tropes because we love them, and I have no quarrel with that. But some clichés bring my enjoyment of romance to a screeching halt.

1) “SLANTING.”

There are two very overused examples: “Sunlight slanted through the window…” and “His mouth slanted over hers…” The first appears so often in fiction of all genres that it should be a drinking game, and the second just doesn’t make any sense. Have you ever in your life said to a friend, “I loved the way my boyfriend slanted his mouth last night”? The author might as well write, “His mouth sloped over hers…” or “He angled his tongue…” There’s got to be a better way to explain what’s happening than to make it sound like a guy can’t properly aim his smootcher.

2) “FISTING.”

As in… “His hand fisted her hair.” Really? Maybe this is a common expression somewhere in the world, but I’ve lived 40+ years all over the U.S. and the only use of “fisting” I’ve ever heard is the hardcore porn kind employed in the uncut version of Caligula. Which REALLY ruins my immersion when I’m reading a romance.

3) CRISIS INTROSPECTION.

“As the bullets whizzed by his head, he wondered how she felt about him. He recalled the way her eyes gazed at him from across the room during the dance and couldn’t remember anyone ever looking at him that way before…” There’s no human being, male or female, who would be “wondering if she could trust the promise in his kiss” or “averting his gaze from her voluptuous breasts and the half-lidded suggestion in her eyes” when they’re near death or in some terribly desperate situation. Desperate moments might evoke desperate declarations, but spare me the navel gazing and pages of pondering — and the sex scenes — until a lull in the action.

4) DITHERING.

I can’t relate to adult characters who spend all their time worrying, speculating, doubting and daydreaming like 15-year-olds. There are certainly times for reflection and inner turmoil. But these work well if supported by actions and external events. If the entire “plot” of a romance novel is nothing but chapter after chapter of his unexpressed confusion, alternating with chapters of her endless mental waffling, no thanks.

5) STUPIDITY.

I once read a historic romance about a worldly knight who’d fought battles and wooed women all over Europe. But for the duration of the novel, he suddenly couldn’t understand body language, sexual attraction, emotion, politics, female anatomy, social status or the function of his own junk. He went on and on in the vein of “I just don’t know why she kissed me or why my body responded…”

Dude, seriously?

~ J.L. Hilton

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Do aliens have flags?

Posted on September 18, 2013 by J.L. Hilton

This is what I envisioned for the Glinnish flag invented by extraterrestrial ambassador Duin a week before arriving in the United States, in my second book, Stellarnet Prince.

Duin stepped onto the platform. Cheering spectators packed the South Lawn and waved little flags—some the U.S. flag and some the Glin flag that Duin made up a week ago. The flag featured a field of celadon with a simplified, cream-colored j’ni, its petals in the shape of raindrops.
(Excerpt from Stellarnet Prince)

I had a lot to consider when I brought my aliens to Earth. As envoys, they were welcomed with pomp and circumstance at every turn. But what does an alien diplomat do when his world has no centralized government, no official flag, no national anthem, no formal attire?

He fakes it.

A refrain of music alerted them to a call from J.T. and his face appeared in a window on the wall. Normally, they couldn’t chat because of the lag from Earth, but J.T. was already on Asteria for the wedding. “’Lo. Quick question: What’s the Glin anthem? The U.S. chief of protocol is asking.”

Duin sighed in exasperation. “We don’t have an anthem. We don’t have a flag, animal, color, or official seal. I already told him. We have a motto, awah na glem, and a sacred flower, the j’ni.”

“You’ll need to come up with a flag, then, and pick a song, or they’ll end up playing some asinine thing like the theme from Star Trek.”

Duin waved his hands in an elaborate shrug. “Belloc, what’s your favorite Glinnish song?”

“Plibbub Twishub.”

Duin gushed laughter.

Belloc didn’t know what was so funny. “My mother sang it to me.”

“They’ll play whatever the hell you tell ’em to play. But come up with something so they’ll stop crawling up my ass. Ciao.” J.T. disappeared.

“Plib means small, right?” J’ni asked Belloc. “What does it mean? Small raindrop…small splash…”

Duin sang. “Plibbub plibbub plibbub…Ahh twishub…Plibbub plibbub plibbub…Ahh twishub.” But the way he said them, the words were almost like sound effects, mimicking the sounds of water drops and splashing. “Ahh” was sung over several descending notes.

“It’s a lullaby,” J’ni said. Belloc didn’t know what that word meant, but she explained before he had to ask. “A song for children.”

“Yes.” Duin continued chuckling. “I think I’ve sung it to my descendants about four thousand times, at least.”

Duin ends up choosing a selection from Handel’s “Water Music” because it’s the first thing that comes up when he l’ups (future slang for “looks up”) “water music” on the Net. It’s also the first thing that came up when I Googled “water music” IRL. lol

~ J.L. Hilton

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Documentary summer: SF/F, geeks and fandom

Posted on September 1, 2013 by J.L. Hilton

This post originally appeared August 25, 2013, on the Contact – Infinite Futures SF blog.

When I wasn’t attending steampunk conventions, working on novels or earning my platinum trophy in Skyrim, I spent my summertime watching documentaries about SF/F and fandom. Here are a few of my favorites.

TREK NATION (2011) is Eugene “Rod” Roddenberry’s touching journey of discovery about Star Trek and his father, who died when Rod was 17. Includes interviews with his mother Majel Barrett, George Lucas, Wil Wheaton and others who worked on the original Star Trek and the Next Generation. View it on Netflix streaming, Amazon or on at the Science Channel website.

COMIC-CON EPISODE IV: A FAN’S HOPE (2010) includes coverage of San Diego Comic-Con and commentary by Frank Miller, Kevin Smith, Matt Groening, Seth Rogen, Eli Roth and others who share their feelings about what it means to be a geek. Available on Hulu and Amazon. Presented by Stan Lee and Joss Whedon, this one also follows the lives of five attendees looking to win cosplay prizes, land a job, propose marriage, sell a rare comic book, and become a comic book artist.

THE PEOPLE VS. GEORGE LUCAS (2010) explores the love/hate relationship between the creator of Star Wars and his fans, asking the question: Who really owns pop culture, the author of the universe or the fans who love it? Combines interviews taken from over 600 hours of footage with fan-made Star Wars andIndiana Jones material in song, needlepoint, Lego, claymation, puppets and paper-mâché. Available on Netflix streaming and Amazon as of this writing.

Not a documentary but it might as well be, GAMERS: HANDS OF FATE (2013) is the third in the Gamers series by Dead Gentlemen Productions. Filmed at Gen Con Indy, a real gaming convention, and funded by over 4000 Kickstarter backers (I’m one of them), this docufiction follows RPG-player and snarkass Cass as he enters the cutthroat world of collectible card games to win a date with Natalie, a championship player. Includes geek references, humor, and some of the issues facing women in SF/F, comics and gaming.

Speaking of issues facing female geeks…


NOTHING TO PROVE is a musical montage of real geeks by the Doubleclicks. Gets me right in the feels. Every. Time.

Also worth mentioning is DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE (2006) about the rise, fall and rebirth of the cult television show Firefly as told from the perspective of the fans aka Browncoats. I purchased a copy on DVD several years ago, but recently noticed it’s on Netflix streaming.

~ J.L. Hilton

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